Returning from the Dark Side

Life has a way of taking us on unexpected paths. It challenges us, sometimes pushing us to our limits. For me, this past year has been about exploring the unknown, battling grief, and coming to terms with personal struggles. This journey is one I never expected, but it’s shaped me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. As someone who’s always been drawn to helping others, I felt the need to come back to this and share my story with you.

The Journey into the Dark Side

The dark side isn't always what people think it is. It’s not just about bad decisions or negative energy. It’s a space where we face our deepest fears and vulnerabilities. For me, it was a place I didn’t want to visit, but I had no choice. Last year, I lost my mother, Pamela Marie Ashford, and her passing left a void in my heart.

Losing a parent, especially someone as significant as my mom, can throw you into a spiral of grief. I wasn’t just mourning her loss; I was reflecting on my own life, my relationships, and the things I had neglected. My grief wasn't just emotional, though. It began to manifest physically. I became pre-diabetic and had to change my diet drastically. My body was telling me that I needed to listen, but it wasn’t until my dear brother, Melvin Hawkins, confronted me at a music festival that I realized I wasn’t coping well.

Finding the Strength to Confront the Darkness

During this time, I tried to stay busy. I was facilitating groups and offering guidance to others, but deep down, I knew I wasn’t fully present. Everything that mattered to me felt distant—my family, my purpose, my health. I was wearing a mask, pretending to be fine when I wasn’t.

It’s hard to admit when you’re struggling, especially when you’re someone people look to for strength and guidance. But even in those dark moments, there was a voice inside me that said, “You need to face this.”

The Role of Tarot in Healing

One of the surprising ways I found solace was through Tarot cards. I’ve always been intuitive, but I never really explored it in a structured way. My dear sister, Vanessa, introduced me to Tarot, and I dove headfirst into learning. What started as curiosity became a tool for understanding the energy around me, especially during those dark times.

One card that stood out to me was the Devil card. Now, I know what you’re thinking—doesn’t that sound like the stuff of nightmares? But the Devil card in Tarot isn’t about evil; it’s about being trapped in negative patterns and having the power to break free. The chains around the necks of the figures on the card are loose—they can slip them off anytime. It’s a reminder that while we may feel stuck, the power to change is always within us.

Grieving and the Spiritual Realm

Grief isn’t linear. When my mom passed, I didn’t just lose her physical presence; I had to confront everything I hadn’t dealt with before. There’s a unique kind of darkness that comes with losing someone so close. It shakes your world, and sometimes, you don’t know how to move forward.

What I learned through this journey is that the spirit world is always with us, even when we don’t recognize it. My mom may no longer be here in her physical form, but her energy is still around. I felt her guiding me through the darkest moments, reminding me to keep going. It wasn’t easy, but her presence kept me grounded.

The Power of Music and Healing Vibrations

One of the tools that helped me navigate the dark times was creating a soundtrack that would lift my spirits. I carefully curated a playlist filled with songs that shifted the energy in my space. From Sam Cooke’s "What a Wonderful World" to Stevie Wonder’s "Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing", these songs reminded me of the beauty of life, even when things felt bleak.

Music has always had a healing power, and it helped me reconnect with joy, even in the midst of grief. It reminded me that while there is darkness, there is always light to be found.

Embracing the Dark Side for Growth

The dark side isn’t something to be feared. In fact, it’s an essential part of our growth. We often think of darkness as negative, but it’s in the darkness that we learn the most about ourselves. It’s where we confront our fears, our doubts, and our limitations.

For me, embracing the dark side meant letting go of the need to be perfect, the need to always have the answers. It meant accepting that sometimes, I would feel lost, and that was okay. It also meant recognizing that I am both light and dark, and that both aspects of myself are valuable.

Spirituality and the Dark Side

As a spiritual person, I’ve always believed in the importance of balance. You can’t fully appreciate the light without first understanding the dark. This concept became even clearer to me as I delved deeper into spiritual practices like meditation and Tarot.

When I started to really embrace my spirituality, I realized that the dark side of life isn’t something to avoid—it’s something to learn from. It’s where we find the strength to grow, to transform, and to become more connected to our true selves.

Mental Health and Spiritual Well-being

We live in a world that often separates mental health from spiritual well-being, but I’ve come to believe that the two are deeply connected. For many people, including myself, the dark times are not just a mental challenge, but a spiritual one.

When we’re feeling low, it’s easy to get trapped in negative thoughts. But it’s in those moments that we need to show ourselves the most grace. We need to give ourselves the space to heal, to be vulnerable, and to reconnect with our spiritual purpose.

The Dark Side as a Teacher

What I’ve learned through this journey is that the dark side is a teacher. It’s there to show us where we need to grow, what we need to let go of, and how we can move forward. It’s not something to be feared, but something to be understood.

Each of us has our own **dark side**, and it’s through confronting it that we find the strength to live fully. For me, coming back from the dark side has been about learning to live with more **grace**, more presence, and more purpose.

Moving Forward with Grace

As I continue on this journey, I realize that the darkness doesn’t define me. It’s just a part of my story. The light, the joy, the laughter—all of that still exists. And it’s in embracing both the dark and the light that I’ve found true balance.

Conclusion: The Power of the Dark Side

Returning from the dark side isn’t about erasing the darkness; it’s about integrating it into your life in a way that serves you. It’s about recognizing that the dark moments, while painful, are opportunities for growth and transformation. As I continue to explore my own journey, I invite you to do the same. Remember, the dark side is not your enemy—it’s your teacher.

Peace and blessings to you all.